girldontbesodesperateyouknowhesgay

Yes life is hard and pretty much no one is 100% happy. But, as adults we have to come to terms with the harsh reality that life is not a romance novel, a dramatic comedy nor a luxurious vacation; no matter how much you think you deserve it to be.

The world of make-believe and fairy tales are for children. So let’s all put on our big boys and girls undies and step into the real world! Today we are inundated with adults who want to look, dress, and act like teenagers. The huge problem with this is that the real children, whom we are supposed to be raising, do not have any adult role models. If you are 35 and still in college with a 15-year-old; who is helping your child navigate the tumultuous waters into adulthood? If you are wearing the same booty shorts that your 16-year-old daughter has on; you’re RIDICULOUS! If you are still chasing every skirt you see, sowing your wild oats; who is teaching your son how to be a man and a productive member of society?

Snap out of it! A little while ago an older man at the gym told me that 60 was the new 30. Seriously; he was 60 years old with dyed hair (what little he had) and was trying to carry himself as if he was younger than me. Pathetic! He is FIVE YEARS from being on social security. He already has GRANDKIDS. It took everything I had not to tell him how stupid he sounded. Don’t you people know that only LOSERS subscribe to the whole 40’s the new 20? Seriously, if you are 40 years old and you equate yourself with 20 year olds, you’re an idiot. 20 year olds are in college, live in their parent’s house, have no job, have no responsibilities, sleep until noon and often-time have little to no direction or ambition. If you’re 40 and this sums up your life… WOW. If this isn’t your reality then step up to the plate and act your age. No matter how much you try, we cannot turn back the hand of time.

Every human being has regrets, that’s just a part of life. I regret waiting so long to come out of the closet. I should have mailed a letter to my parents freshman year of college, but I didn’t even accept it myself until much later in life. Despite this travesty, I cannot regain my youth (18-25). At this ripe age of 41, it would be silly for me to try to act like a crazed party animal. It is not cute for anyone to be in the club with your kid, niece or nephew! It’s also foolish to put your livelihood at risk trying to be a hip, cool, youngster. Anyone over 25 usually has a steady job, rent/house payment, car payment, utility bills and many are married with children already. Why jeopardize everything that you’ve worked for in an effort to regain your youth?

Life is a high stakes endeavor. There is very little margin for error and certainly no room for frivolous gambling. Besides, if you spend your entire adulthood trying to be a big kid, when will you have time to prepare for the ever elusive “golden years”? Remember the children’s book ‘The Tortoise and the Hare’. Wake up! Or you’ll surely end up like the foolish hare!

I’m sure all of you have either seen the infamous Bruce Jenner interview or heard about it. He is officially becoming a woman! What is most shocking (well not shocking to me) is the fact that all three of his wives knew about his desire to be womanly. Kris Jenner, his longest and most recent wife knew the most. In fact, Bruce said that KrisKardashian knew he was in the process of transitioning into a woman when they first met. According to Bruce, he hadfull grown BREASTS when he met Kris. He was a whopping34B bra size!

If women were so silly in the 1970’s and 80’s (when REAL MEN ruled) that they did not know Barry Manilow was gay; what chance do today’s women have ascertaining gay and downlow men?

How can anyone be shocked that he has married a man? In my opinion, Barry has never really hidden his homosexuality. Sure he said he was straight, but clearly all evidence pointed to the contrary. Yes he married a woman, but the marriage ended in an annulment because he never consummated it. That means he was married to his wife for over a year and he NEVER had sex with her! Come on. After that news broke his sexuality should have never been questioned again.

Let’s examine the facts. 1) Manilow married his high school sweetheart during his first year of college. Although young marriage was the norm back then, most guys in college would use that as an opportunity to sow their wild oats. 2) Barry performed in a popular gay bath house in NYC. I’m not sure what the layout of the place was, but one has to wonder how often he snuck away to “play” when he wasn’t entertaining? 3) During his 30’s at the height of his career, Barry was a known recluse, barely leaving his house. What straight man do you know would lock himself away when he could be partying with the hottest actresses and models in the world? 4) Despite always having women around, all of them reported to just have platonic relationships with the star. A man of his stature, fame and money with no romantic interest is unheard of and unrealistic. 5) When the question frequently arose regarding his personal life, Manilow retorted “I’m a very private person. I don’t want to share my life with anybody”. If a man refuses to discuss his personal life; he has something to hide. 6) Barry’s appearance has always been somewhat questionably flashy and androgynous at the least. Usually sporting sequins or velvet and perfectly coiffed hair; he’s forever tanned. If a man’s appearance is always better than yours; he’s competing with you not for you!

Here’s the GOLDEN RULE ladies: when a man shows you that he’s gay i.e. he Looks Gay, then treat him like he’s gay. Remember, seeing is believing…

 Author: John Carter, Esq. girl Don’t Be so Desperate…you know He’s Gay will be out in a few more weeks

Do you owe your life to your family or even your parents?

You may or may not have heard that a 15 year old name Tyler came out on facebook recently. His father’s response was rather appalling. Instead of letting his son know that he loves him, the father told Tyler that his coming out is “worse than death”. He went on to tell his son that he shamed and embarrassed him. It’s sad this parent was unable to show and express unconditional love for his child. Tyler’s father’s reaction is exactly what gay people fear will happen. Instead of being met with support, they are lashed out on and sometimes even abandoned.

But during this father’s tirade, he does give us a glimpse of his mindset.  You see he goes on to tell Tyler: “I’m going to puke. Whatever you do it reflects on me. People will ridicule me, insult me”. Obviously, the father is so caught up in himself that he cannot see that his son is in a major crisis. He cannot comprehend the distress that his child is in because he is too busy worrying about how he will be affected. The father is so self-involved that he tells his son “you are trying to ruin me”.

How pitiful is it that a grown man cannot come to the aid of his child during a time of emotional distress. Isn’t it a parent’s responsibility to be caring and nurturing? And what happens if the roles are reversed? Will children respond to their parent’s coming out in the same harsh way that Tyler’s dad reacted? Well if Bruce Jenner’s family is any indication, the answer is yes. It appears that things aren’t as cohesive as the Kardashian/Jenner gang would have the cameras believe when it comes to Bruce’s transition.

Over the last few days Bruce announced that he has decided to put his docu-series on hold. He said that he wants to make sure that his sons are emotionally ready and are “in a good place” before he proceeds. Are you kidding me? The Jenner boys are 36, 33 and 31. How selfish is it that one, or maybe all of them are so self-absorbed that they will not allow Bruce to finally be free. Although they haven’t said any harsh words like Tyler’s father, their actions are just as repressive. I guess neither Tyler’s father nor the Jenner boys realize that once you’re out of the closet you can’t be stuffed back in. Everybody knows now; so what’s their issue?

These rusty grown men shouldn’t be so fragile that they can’t let Bruce be who he really is; especially since he’s 65 and in his later years. More importantly, Bruce will once again be an American role model and activist. But this time for the transgender community. Having him stand up and force the world to recognize that transgender people are real and it can effect anyone is huge! I can only pray that both Bruce and Tyler are strong enough to stand strong in the midst of their family pressures.

This life is great but it ain’t no crystal stair. For most of us it takes years to Find our voice, learn to Listen to our voice, and then finally USE our Voice. It took me years to fine tune the voice that is me. It’s hard to learn yourself, accept yourself, and love yourself. I am still on my journey and have a long way to go. But thank God for how far I’ve come! Mary J. Blige’s “Work That” and “Just Fine” are songs that did wonders for me. Beyoncé is so damn good that it wasn’t a song but the mere album title “I Am… Sasha Fierce”, that took the confidence level to new heights!

Why is it so damn hard to be yourself? Probably because since conception people have been telling you who you are. In the womb, your parents told you you’re gonna be a doctor or lawyer; a pro football or basketball player; a model or beauty queen; and so on and so forth. Then when you get here and turn just one year old, people start telling you how to act; what toys you are supposed to like; how you’re supposed to dress; how to wear your hair; and even how you’re supposed to walk and talk. Hell, it’s probably fair to say that we don’t have an original thought from our own minds until adulthood.

Don’t get me wrong, there is a place for learning from your elders, but at some point you have to grow into the person you are. I see people: black, white, straight, gay, rich and poor; afraid to be who they are. This is a travesty because we are all put on this earth for a purpose. Each one of us has a God-given job to do here before being called home (hopefully to heaven). Unfortunately, most people never learn their God-given purpose or even scratch the surface of reaching their destiny because they are too afraid to be their true selves.

I write this article to inspire you to stand strong in who you are. As long as you are a productive law-abiding citizen, you should be allowed to Be You. Choose to be who God made you to be. If nothing else, please at least get to the point of accepting yourself. Life is Short… live your TRUTH! Brandy’s interlude to her album “Human” sums this up perfectly:

“what i feel being a human being is, is just having the freedom to be yourself. not caring what other people think. just having that freedom to be you, and not being afraid. because if you’re not yourself,  THEN WHO ARE YOU?”

AUTHOR: John Carter ‘girl Don’t Be so Desperate… you know He’s Gay’ (book out in April)

This is a common sentiment regarding effeminate “girlie” gay guys by straight people and even some fellow gays. Girlie gays really have it kind of hard. People just can’t seem to grasp why they “act like women”. But what you need to realize is that they are merely “acting” like themselves. That’s right, those queens are like that because that’s who they are. A better question to ask yourself is: why are you so bothered by them?

I have had several women tell me that they don’t mind gays; they just don’t like the ones that want to be women. When I asked them to elaborate, these ladies really couldn’t articulate their offense to the girlie gay versus the regular gay. After hearing numerous women express this, I’ve tried to pinpoint the reason for their attitude. What I have concluded is that these women (perhaps subconsciously) feel threatened by these girlie gays. Maybe they are fearful of them stealing their man? I know I’m gonna catch a lot of flack for this, but that’s my honest assessment. After hearing women talk, it’s my opinion that they see these guys as some sort of threat.

NEWSFLASH: effeminate girlie gays are not trying to be you. His fabulousness has no bearing on your femininity. One woman said that she didn’t like them because they are “trying to be more than me”, meaning more womanly. My response to her was: if you’re threatened by him then befriend him. Ask him how he got so fierce and fabulous. Take pointers from him. Don’t hate, PARTICIPATE! There is nothing wrong with a gay man teaching you how to tap into your feminine essence. After all, Miss J. Alexander teaches all of the models how to walk the runway. No for real; a gay guy taught all of the top models how to walk including TYRA BANKS! So obviously, you can learn a thing or two from the girlie gay.

Let him be who he is. He’s been getting beat up for his girlie ways probably since 6 or 7 years old. That’s why he is so fierce and in your face as an adult. He has paid a TREMENDOUS price to be his true self! He has survived years of emotional and physical abuse. The poor guy has no choice in how effeminate he is. Although, I myself use to think these guys were acting and embellishing their gayness back in the day. But I assure you that he is being his authentic self. What can I say- some of us got a little bit of sugar and others of us got a whole hell of a lot. Regardless, the girlie gays are not going to shrink back just to make you feel better about yourself. And why should they? Perhaps you just need to “Woman up”!

Have you ever seen an accident about to happen but you just couldn’t do anything to stop it? That’s kind of what it’s like for me to watch your interaction with men. Today we are addressing the straight woman, straight man dynamic. Ladies, and particularly sistas, you are going about this all wrong. I understand your need to be independent and I wholeheartedly support that. But many of you have taken that a step (or two or four) too far and have been conducting your approach to relationships like men. This is not and cannot work for you. You can’t beat a man at a MAN’S GAME in a MAN’S WORLD.

I see a lot of beautiful women out there who are also smart, sweet, hard-working, and sophisticated. Yet they have never been married. In fact, 70% of black women of marrying age are single. There are many factors that contribute to this, but regardless, it is obvious that you all are doing something wrong. Let’s take a moment to get real with ourselves so that we can start to turn this bleak situation around for you.

girl Don’t Be so DESPERATE… The main thing affecting women’s relationships with men is the underlying stench of desperation. Ladies, you always had and ALWAYS WILL have the power in your relationships with men. Let me repeat: YOU HAVE THE POWER! Don’t relinquish it and give your power away. Many of you are asking; what power? The power of SEX… A man will do ANYTHING to have sex. And he can’t have it without your permission. Thus, you have the power. But you all essentially gave your power to men when you started playing a “man’s game”. The minute you all decided to freak anytime you wanted and with EVERY man you wanted; you lost your power. Having sex like a man is all fun and games in your 20’s, but it catches up with you in your 30’s, and it punishes you in your 40’s!

I’m sure you’re fired up by now and ready to rip my head off. But let me explain and acknowledge that this may not apply to ALL women. However, many of you spent your BEST years (the 20’s) playing the field and sport freaking; so you basically set yourself up for failure in your 30’s. When a woman hits 30, her biological clock starts to alarm. All of a sudden, playtime is over and you realize that you don’t have a viable candidate to marry. Well you don’t have to be good at math to know that you have a mere 5 years to find a husband by 35. You only have 5 years after that to spit out 2 or 3 kids. And this is where the desperation sets in.

By now you realize that you made a horrible mistake playing a “man’s game”. The harsh reality slaps you in the face when you see your freak buddy marrying a 25 year old. That’s right, he is 35 just like you, but he’s marrying a girl 10 years younger. Why? Because her biological clock isn’t about to explode. With her, they have 5 years to enjoy being newlyweds. Then they will leisurely start having babies with a 3 year age gap between each one of them. And where are you? Over 40, with fewer and fewer dates. This is where your punishment starts. Because you’re forced to watch all of your old freak buddies parade around town with their 3 kids in tow. Meanwhile, you spent the last few of your youngISH years alone, waiting for the divorces, hoping to score a man then.

Don’t get mad. Keep it real and be honest with yourself and your fellow sisters out there. If you are one of the smart few that this didn’t happen to; great. But you know many women that it has happened to. It may be too late for you and your girlfriends but you can school your cousins, daughters and nieces. Help them learn from the other women’s mistake. And if you’re in your 20’s and early 30’s, reverse course immediately. Unlike your male counterparts, YOU don’t have time to waste. And for God’s sake remember the saying: why buy the cow when you can get the milk for FREE!

John Carter, Author: girl Don’t Be so Desperate…you know He’s GAY

Earlier this week, famous Broadway star Joel Grey came out as gay at the ripe old age of 82. He’s an Oscar winner and is most famous for his role in ‘Cabaret’ playing opposite Liza Minnelli. He was married for TWENTY-FOUR years and is the father of 2 children.

Just yesterday, People magazine confirmed that 65 year old Bruce Jenner, the ‘Keeping Up with the Kardashians’ patriarch, is transitioning from male to female. In addition to fathering SIX children, Bruce is the 1976 Olympic decathlon winner. Traditionally, the man who wins the decathlon is labeled the ‘World’s Greatest Athlete’.

Both of these stories are not only shocking because they pertain to famous men who presented themselves as straight males, but also because they are in their later years. These guys are both GRANDFATHERS! So how old is too old to come out? Is there a point where you should keep major life altering news to yourself and just carry it to your grave? Or is it acceptable to come out in your last breath on your death-bed? Leave a comment here and let’s get the conversation going.

But first, let’s talk about the sexes. It should go without saying that men and women are inherently different. However, it seems like you ladies are trying your darnedest to bridge the gap. It appears that you all no longer want, what women over 45 would call, a REAL man. Like back in the days when men were manly. There are several articles and studies out there regarding the recent feminization of men. This is something you women have implemented, but you cry foul when the feminized man you’re dating turns out to a “downlow”.

ELLE, the popular women’s magazine, has recently featured 3 articles glorifying the new feminized man. One of their articles discussed how great men look in women’s hair styles. They coined it, the “man bun”, in which guys with long flowing locks put their hair in a fancied updo. Another article they ran suggests their approval of the new trend of men wearing nail polish. I’m gay and I don’t even approve of men getting clear nail polish during a manicure. But this; this is ridiculous! Just yesterday ELLE featured an article about how men should sit with their legs totally together; like women sit when they wear short skirts. Men aren’t designed to sit like women because we have something between our legs. Do you women want to get rid of ‘IT’ too? Are these trends made by closeted lesbians in an effort to make men appear like females, so that they can have an easier time faking it with a male? Because this is exactly what you straight women are doing; paving a way for closeted gay men to be as feminine as he really is while you stand guard as his beard.

Ladies, can you really cry victim if you learn that your man is secretly gay when he looked and acted like a woman before you started dating him? If he has hair that is longer and more fabulous than yours; don’t date him, even if he is a football player. If he paints his nails pretty floral colors, black or just uses clear nail polish; run. Jared Leto is a famous actor whom ELLE referenced in 2 of their previously mentioned articles. Well earlier this week, transgender actress Alexis Arquette was trending again regarding claims she made in August about her having had sex with Jared. She alleged that the sex occurred during a time when she presented herself as a man. Alexis further claimed that a close transgender friend of hers also had sex with him and said that Jared was the bottom. Leto never issued a statement nor has he filed a lawsuit against the transsexual for these telling accusations. True or not, it is safe to say that you should only date men that look and carry themselves like MEN.

Finally, let’s have that sex talk. I’m sure most of you don’t know who Alex Reid is. He has done several UFC matches here in America and is a prized MMA fighter over in the UK where he lives. Just this week, his ex-wife revealed that she frequently used a strap on to perform anal sex on HIM! In fact, she went further to say “That’s why I divorced him. Because I didn’t want to be the man.” This is not uncommon. Plenty of you out there are doing this or have a girlfriend that’s doing it. Although the anus is an erogenous zone for everyone, you should not be pleasuring it on your man and here’s why. First, he has to assume the sexual position of a woman in order for you to access it. Second, it could be like opening Pandora’s box: a tongue today, a finger tomorrow, a butt plug next week and a strap on next month. Third, how can you be sure he’s not going to want to graduate to the REAL THING? Ladies, you can’t cry and complain that gay men lie and deceive you when you in fact ENABLE them. Why would they come out if they have you as a cover and you’re silly enough to give them gay sex?

Many of you have seen the hot new show EMPIRE! As a result, you know that there is a gay story line weaved into the plot. The show’s creator, Lee Daniels, has offered a fresh new and very accurate depiction of how black people treat homosexuals in their homes and in the community. The fear and hostility of the father faced with dealing with his gay son is heart wrenching. During a ‘flashback’ we see the father so appalled by his young son playing dress up in his mother’s clothing, that he jerks the boy up yelling at him for “looking like a lil’ bitch” as he takes him outside to the back yard where they keep the trash. He then proceeds to put his son inside the garbage can and places the lid on it. He literally saw his own flesh and blood as trash and was happy to discard of it! Fortunately the boy’s mother witnessed his father’s tirade, follows her husband pleading for him to stop and rescues her 5 year old baby.

Surely this scene has just awakened the empathy of the shows’ black viewers? Not exactly. Many of you overlooked this horrendous act that a small child of 4 or 5 years old had endured. You lashed out on social media regarding your disdain for seeing the now young man, share a kiss with his male lover. Repeatedly I read how disgusted you were by having to witness such a thing. Many of you spewed your hatred on twitter swearing off the show b/c it featured homosexuals. Others of you express how good the show is but that the “gay stuff gotta go”. Others are so enthralled with the show, until they showed “that gay scene”.

As the show mimics the torture that black gay boys and men are forced to endure, so does our communities’ response to these fictitious characters. Despite the huge advances that the gay community has made, your prejudice is heard loud and clear. The snickering, revolution, and gay slurs are heard loud and clear no matter how subtle you try to be with it; on that rare occasion you decide not to broadcast it. These negative feelings that the black community has against gays is the very reason that so many black men are on the down low. Why would anybody admit to being something that is hated by everyone?

Ladies, you can’t have your cake and eat it too! You all have got to stop ostracizing gay men if you expect them to be honest and admit that they are homosexual. Every gay bashing incident that I endured was by a black girl or woman. This is why the black community has such a high percent of their homosexual males hiding in the closet. Once you reach the ripe age of 30-35+ you can no longer hide in the closet without raising suspicion. This is when many black gay guys make the decision to go from the closet, to on the down low.

Black women wake up. Many of you are the very ones forcing your bruthas in the closet and on the low. When you gain some self-control and keep your nasty comments about faggots to yourself, then black men will gain the self-confidence to stand up and be honest about who they really are. Please hear this: you cannot have one without the other. If you ridicule, they will hide. But if you accept, they will come out. In turn, this will make you a better person and allow you to live a happy and HEALTHY life.

John Carter, Author of the book: girl Don’t Be so Desperate…you know He’s Gay