girl POWER!

Have you ever seen an accident about to happen but you just couldn’t do anything to stop it? That’s kind of what it’s like for me to watch your interaction with men. Today we are addressing the straight woman, straight man dynamic. Ladies, and particularly sistas, you are going about this all wrong. I understand your need to be independent and I wholeheartedly support that. But many of you have taken that a step (or two or four) too far and have been conducting your approach to relationships like men. This is not and cannot work for you. You can’t beat a man at a MAN’S GAME in a MAN’S WORLD.

I see a lot of beautiful women out there who are also smart, sweet, hard-working, and sophisticated. Yet they have never been married. In fact, 70% of black women of marrying age are single. There are many factors that contribute to this, but regardless, it is obvious that you all are doing something wrong. Let’s take a moment to get real with ourselves so that we can start to turn this bleak situation around for you.

girl Don’t Be so DESPERATE… The main thing affecting women’s relationships with men is the underlying stench of desperation. Ladies, you always had and ALWAYS WILL have the power in your relationships with men. Let me repeat: YOU HAVE THE POWER! Don’t relinquish it and give your power away. Many of you are asking; what power? The power of SEX… A man will do ANYTHING to have sex. And he can’t have it without your permission. Thus, you have the power. But you all essentially gave your power to men when you started playing a “man’s game”. The minute you all decided to freak anytime you wanted and with EVERY man you wanted; you lost your power. Having sex like a man is all fun and games in your 20’s, but it catches up with you in your 30’s, and it punishes you in your 40’s!

I’m sure you’re fired up by now and ready to rip my head off. But let me explain and acknowledge that this may not apply to ALL women. However, many of you spent your BEST years (the 20’s) playing the field and sport freaking; so you basically set yourself up for failure in your 30’s. When a woman hits 30, her biological clock starts to alarm. All of a sudden, playtime is over and you realize that you don’t have a viable candidate to marry. Well you don’t have to be good at math to know that you have a mere 5 years to find a husband by 35. You only have 5 years after that to spit out 2 or 3 kids. And this is where the desperation sets in.

By now you realize that you made a horrible mistake playing a “man’s game”. The harsh reality slaps you in the face when you see your freak buddy marrying a 25 year old. That’s right, he is 35 just like you, but he’s marrying a girl 10 years younger. Why? Because her biological clock isn’t about to explode. With her, they have 5 years to enjoy being newlyweds. Then they will leisurely start having babies with a 3 year age gap between each one of them. And where are you? Over 40, with fewer and fewer dates. This is where your punishment starts. Because you’re forced to watch all of your old freak buddies parade around town with their 3 kids in tow. Meanwhile, you spent the last few of your youngISH years alone, waiting for the divorces, hoping to score a man then.

Don’t get mad. Keep it real and be honest with yourself and your fellow sisters out there. If you are one of the smart few that this didn’t happen to; great. But you know many women that it has happened to. It may be too late for you and your girlfriends but you can school your cousins, daughters and nieces. Help them learn from the other women’s mistake. And if you’re in your 20’s and early 30’s, reverse course immediately. Unlike your male counterparts, YOU don’t have time to waste. And for God’s sake remember the saying: why buy the cow when you can get the milk for FREE!

John Carter, Author: girl Don’t Be so Desperate…you know He’s GAY