This is a common sentiment regarding effeminate “girlie” gay guys by straight people and even some fellow gays. Girlie gays really have it kind of hard. People just can’t seem to grasp why they “act like women”. But what you need to realize is that they are merely “acting” like themselves. That’s right, those queens are like that because that’s who they are. A better question to ask yourself is: why are you so bothered by them?
I have had several women tell me that they don’t mind gays; they just don’t like the ones that want to be women. When I asked them to elaborate, these ladies really couldn’t articulate their offense to the girlie gay versus the regular gay. After hearing numerous women express this, I’ve tried to pinpoint the reason for their attitude. What I have concluded is that these women (perhaps subconsciously) feel threatened by these girlie gays. Maybe they are fearful of them stealing their man? I know I’m gonna catch a lot of flack for this, but that’s my honest assessment. After hearing women talk, it’s my opinion that they see these guys as some sort of threat.
NEWSFLASH: effeminate girlie gays are not trying to be you. His fabulousness has no bearing on your femininity. One woman said that she didn’t like them because they are “trying to be more than me”, meaning more womanly. My response to her was: if you’re threatened by him then befriend him. Ask him how he got so fierce and fabulous. Take pointers from him. Don’t hate, PARTICIPATE! There is nothing wrong with a gay man teaching you how to tap into your feminine essence. After all, Miss J. Alexander teaches all of the models how to walk the runway. No for real; a gay guy taught all of the top models how to walk including TYRA BANKS! So obviously, you can learn a thing or two from the girlie gay.
Let him be who he is. He’s been getting beat up for his girlie ways probably since 6 or 7 years old. That’s why he is so fierce and in your face as an adult. He has paid a TREMENDOUS price to be his true self! He has survived years of emotional and physical abuse. The poor guy has no choice in how effeminate he is. Although, I myself use to think these guys were acting and embellishing their gayness back in the day. But I assure you that he is being his authentic self. What can I say- some of us got a little bit of sugar and others of us got a whole hell of a lot. Regardless, the girlie gays are not going to shrink back just to make you feel better about yourself. And why should they? Perhaps you just need to “Woman up”!
girldontbesodesperateyouknowhesgay 
Another reason for a woman to be bothered by a effeminate man could be that she has encountered yet another man that does not want her. LOL!
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Didn’t think of that. I suppose it could be rather frustrating when you’re looking for suitable mates….
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Mr. Carter, as always, you have quite a way with words! I truly love the expression … don’t hate – participate. I don’t think I have ever been bothered, offended, or threatened by effeminate men. However, I will admit I have previously wondered if some men were putting on a bit of an act, when they seemed to be excessively exaggerating their femininity. You have reminded me that those men are simply being themselves and have paid a price to get there. Thank You!
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Well stated, as always. So much hatred/criticism is rooted in people feeling threatened by what’s unfamiliar to them. But maybe we should all strive to check our hate at the door and embrace a little more. We all could learn so much more that way.
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Thanks for your insight. I don’t personally know a girlie gay guy, but I have been fascinated by their mannerisms, which sadly, I have mainly seen stereotyped in movies. I am glad you brought up these points.
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I find effeminen gay men exciting smart and fun. I don’t feel offended by them. I have been a fan of Ru Paul for years and watch every season of his drag queen show. I didnt think of other reason these men were sometimes over the top other than maybe modeling after celebrities thinking if they were going look like a woman then they had to be beautiful not a plain Jane. Parts of the women fashion and beauty industry had been run by gay men for decades. I think you make valid point that past hurt may make them more open be who they are. It’s great to celebrate and learn from our differences.
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I’ll admit, girly gay guys make me self conscious. I have no idea about proper makeup application, hence the reason I go Au Naturel, and my 9 year old gives me fashion advice. Yes sir, I’m the woman giving them the eye while trying to memorize the fashion tips for later:-)
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Lol. Talk to them, they don’t bite. They are usually eager to give advice on how you can tap into your inner Diva…
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There has been many a time when a guy has put me to shame. I distinctly remember a brother downtown one day who was on point from head to toe – from the outfit, sandals, Louis messenger bag. I was impressed & embarrassed at the same time. High end goods aren’t necessary but I just took it all in & still remember him to this day. Bottom line is that we can take pointers from wherever & whomever they may come. There’s enough fabulousness to go around.
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