This life is great but it ain’t no crystal stair. For most of us it takes years to Find our voice, learn to Listen to our voice, and then finally USE our Voice. It took me years to fine tune the voice that is me. It’s hard to learn yourself, accept yourself, and love yourself. I am still on my journey and have a long way to go. But thank God for how far I’ve come! Mary J. Blige’s “Work That” and “Just Fine” are songs that did wonders for me. Beyoncé is so damn good that it wasn’t a song but the mere album title “I Am… Sasha Fierce”, that took the confidence level to new heights!
Why is it so damn hard to be yourself? Probably because since conception people have been telling you who you are. In the womb, your parents told you you’re gonna be a doctor or lawyer; a pro football or basketball player; a model or beauty queen; and so on and so forth. Then when you get here and turn just one year old, people start telling you how to act; what toys you are supposed to like; how you’re supposed to dress; how to wear your hair; and even how you’re supposed to walk and talk. Hell, it’s probably fair to say that we don’t have an original thought from our own minds until adulthood.
Don’t get me wrong, there is a place for learning from your elders, but at some point you have to grow into the person you are. I see people: black, white, straight, gay, rich and poor; afraid to be who they are. This is a travesty because we are all put on this earth for a purpose. Each one of us has a God-given job to do here before being called home (hopefully to heaven). Unfortunately, most people never learn their God-given purpose or even scratch the surface of reaching their destiny because they are too afraid to be their true selves.
I write this article to inspire you to stand strong in who you are. As long as you are a productive law-abiding citizen, you should be allowed to Be You. Choose to be who God made you to be. If nothing else, please at least get to the point of accepting yourself. Life is Short… live your TRUTH! Brandy’s interlude to her album “Human” sums this up perfectly:
“what i feel being a human being is, is just having the freedom to be yourself. not caring what other people think. just having that freedom to be you, and not being afraid. because if you’re not yourself, THEN WHO ARE YOU?”
AUTHOR: John Carter ‘girl Don’t Be so Desperate… you know He’s Gay’ (book out in April)
girldontbesodesperateyouknowhesgay 
Very true and fitting article John. Unfortunately we allow society to label us into categories unbefitting to who we really are or aspire to be. I’ve had this conversation with others a lot last year which forced me to make a commitment (not a resolution) of being true to me for 2015. There is nothing better or more important than being YOU!!!
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Very well put, dude. I totally appreciate your insight. As to why it’s hard to be yourself, I think it goes back to the same reason I gave in response to your earlier post about why people engage in so much hate/criticism — it boils down to fear. Fear of what others might say about or do to you, fear of the unknown/unfamiliar, fear of not complying/obeying, fear of failure, fear of fear itself…. We’ve been taught that all these things we’re afraid of are categorically bad, and yes, there’s some truth to that and we were generally taught as kids to be afraid of such things for our own good. But in adulthood, let’s not lose sight of the importance of thinking critically for ourselves, because that’s what leads us to recognizing who we are. The root of much of what plagues us in this world is fear, and that seems to be a universal proposition. But as you suggested, we’ve all got to tackle our fears, have the courage and fortitude to face them. But that takes some learning (in the same way, ironically, that we learned to be afraid of so many things!) And I think that’s what we should all be helping each other do, to face our fears constructively, productively, and intelligently. And hopefully that will lead us all to freedom from what holds us back and, to echo Brandy’s sentiment, release us from the burden of acting like someone other than who we truly are.
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Also, looking forward to your book being available soon! It will surely be full of more of your intelligent observations and thoughtful writing. Good on ya, dude.
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I still have to remind myself that it is not a destination, but a journey. I am learning to really enjoy the journey of finding/learning/loving me.
Thanks for this John!!!
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You are so well-spoken!!! I admire your ability to get to the heart of the matter with such passion and refined eloquence. I am on board with Kema P., I have to remind myself on a regular basis, that life is a journey not a destination. I think as long as you are being true to yourself and not living in fear, it is actually a good thing to continually try to figure out who you are, and where you are going. Therefore, you are not settling and life doesn’t become stagnant. I hope I am always curious and true to myself. Thank you for your insight …
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Great point. I’ve actually been thinking about this a lot lately. So many labels are attached by others as well as self-attached. A friend just yesterday told me how in an encounter w/a mechanic the guy was shocked that my friend is a newspaper reporter. “Oh, do you just freelance?” “No.” my friend said. “You work there five days a week?” “Uh, yeah”, she said. I guess in his world real reporters are only supposed to look like Diane Sawyer. Great reminder that life is too short to be bound by others’ labels/perceptions as well as your own.
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Great insight and thanks for showing your vulnerability. I can honestly say, not living in fear is a challenge for me. I get comfortable and find it difficult to make changes, especially career wise. I haven’t had much problem with being who I am for the most part. I can say that in the past, I said things without thinking which have caused some problems in my social and work relationships. I find myself “toning” it down in a sense. Worried people would whisper behind my back, or think I am “dingy” so yes, I guess I do think we focus on labels. I have to be careful not to label others. Thanks for giving me something to think about.
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